I began to consider open relationships to be a possible option in my life at the young age of 17.  A year-long intimate relationship with my first love had just ended a few months earlier.  I spent many months following that relationship wondering how I could have done things differently.  One thing that stood out to me was that I had been a jealous partner at times.  I hadn’t shown it often, but I knew exactly how much I had worried about her having too much fun flirting with others, and the possibility of her cheating on me with those “fun” guys because they were more fun than I was.  I certainly had regrets about feeling that way.  I started to think how much better things would have been if I had just kept smiling and remained positive throughout it all.

That’s not where the tipping point was for me though.  What opened my eyes was when my best friend told me later that she had suggested to him that what he needed was “just a fuck buddy”, and he felt that she was making a pass at him.  It just so happened by the time he told me this I had started reading erotic stories again.  I hadn’t read them in a few years.  This time I stumbled across stories of men enjoying watching their wife with another man.  Those types of stories struck a note with me big time.  One of the reasons that they did was because back when I felt jealous (even about her masturbating), I also felt curious.  I wondered how things really were for her, or how they would actually be for her if she experienced being with someone else.  So, the “curious mindset” was already part of my sexuality.  I was able to understand why those husbands enjoyed watching so much.

As time passed I couldn’t help but wonder what it would have been like if I had offered for her to have sex with my best friend, who she was suggestive to, or maybe with one of the guys that she flirted with at school.  After that realization I continued reading erotic fiction that covered many different types of heterosexual male fantasies.  My mind continued to open to more possibilities.